Thankful.

Back again!

Whew. Took a long pause this November… and much of December.

I’ll give you the low-down of life since then:

Finished my last class needed for applying to the dental hygiene program.
Applied to the program (and felt darn good about it).
Got my job back at Joann’s (awesome because I never realized how much I love it there most of the time).

 …and that’s about it. I have no further excuses other than that I started watching The Vampire Diaries and got totally addicted. Team Damon. That’s all I have to say about that.

 I skipped Thanksgiving and the whole “I’m thankful for this and that” trend. Gosh, reading that back, I sound horrible. And it’s true- that’s a low thing to say. I felt like in everyone did it because that’s just what you do around that holiday, so it’s not really genuine.

But that’s just a load of crap-o-la. It’s an excuse for me to not think on all the great things God has given me. See, that’s kind of a huge flaw of mine.

 I’m not a very thankful person.

I take things for granted big time.

I don’t cherish what I have.

I don’t go to God and say thanks for the amazing comfy house I live in and the huge bed I sleep in every night. Or the fact that I have a desk in my room filled with tons of beading supplies, fun paper, cool stamps, and every ink color imaginable to keep me happily busy with my crafting hobby. Or that I have lovely friends. An amazing, supportive, encouraging family. A handsome, super nice fiancé.

 I’ve got a King of Kings blessing me over and over again, and I often forget to turn around and say, “Hey man. Thanks for that one. You really got me covered.”

 See, what I really say to Him is, “I really need this.”

“I need help with that.”
“Seriously? Why did you just do that to me?”
“Can you be a little nicer to me?”
“Will you answer a prayer once an a while?? K thanks.”

 He needs to smack me in the face.

And He did.

But not in the “Get it together!” movie scene slap. It was a “check out how good you’ve got it. Watch this,” kind of slap.

I was sitting in a lovely Christmas service at Rochester Church of Christ just yesterday and I was squished in between my sister and Davy. If you are ever around them, you’ll see them poking, pushing, punching, pinching, etc., each other. They have such a brother-sister bond it’s not even funny. It’s scary. It’s too good to be true.

We sat there, singing wonderful praises in Christmas songs to Jesus (they were actually behaving at this time), when all of a sudden I feel my sister loop her arm around mine while Davy put his arm around me on the other side. Both gestures at the same time.

Oh, Lord Jesus.

So good to me.

In that moment, I felt so blessed I wanted to cry. I wanted to burst into tears and tell Him how thankful I am for EVERYTHING. And how sorry I was at my bitter attitude during Thanksgiving.

 I felt so much love in that moment between my sister and my fiancé. I can only imagine how good it will feel when God puts His arms around me.

 You guys. He’s so good. He’s not going to hunt you down and haunt you if you lose sight of Him. He’s in love with you. He’s going to keep loving you and there’s nothing you can do about it.

 Accept it. Embrace it. Let yourself feel the joy.

You need it.

I'm going to leave you with some pictures of me and my friends having an awesome time over the summer. I'm going to thank God for these happy moments today.

So thankful for friends that will act totally rediculous with me.

I don't care about my face in this. Randy is on the ground like a rollie pollie. I must share it.

Blurry yet lovely. My sister. I love her.

And then Randy photobombs.

And then Jenna joins :)



Weirdos at the cider mill.

Randy contemplates life. I talk him out of it. We travel into the woods. I do parkour over a log. He photobombs again:

Hey there Davy ;)

Love that man of mine.

Chelsea and my dad. Two fantastic people.

 I think this is a very good picture of her. She's beautiful.

He opened my eyes and I’ll be thanking Him from now on.

Have a happy Christmas, beautiful friends.

Acting childish.

You know how I’m not working right now? Well, I’ve been praying for God to take care of me.

When I was working, I had this attitude of independence. Like, I needed a job to pay the bills. Even though I have no bills to pay. I just felt powerful.

Well, now I feel weak. And embarrassed.

 

I realized something pretty simple.

God is our Father. He refers to us as his children.

There is something really cool about that relationship. We don’t have to take things into our own hands. We have a powerful parent taking care of us. We can depend on him like we did with our parents when we were children.

 If I want him to take the role of my Father and have Him take care of me, I have to resume the role of a child.

Children rely on parents wholeheartedly. For everything. Safely, love, nutrition, finances, etc.

And they think the world of their parents. I remember fighting with a boy named Jordan in first grade about how my dad could beat up his. All children want in life is to make mom and dad so proud of them, too. And kids trust their parents. Everyone else is a stranger.

 I picture a child hiding behind a parent’s leg when a stranger approaches them.

Then I picture my self in the child’s position.

 Hiding behind God when unfamiliar things approach me and Him looking down at me, smiling. Maybe the stranger is good. If so, God will nudge me toward the stranger.

He’ll see my hesitation and crouch down beside me. He’ll put his arm around me and whisper in my ear, “It’s okay. Don’t be afraid. I’m right here. Nothing bad will happen to you.”

Or it could be a stranger that is no good. God will straighten up in front of me and push me behind Him, not letting any harm come near me. He’ll stand firm.

 

Whether the situation is good or bad, it will go through God first. He’s the bulletproof vest. He takes the hits for you.

 

How crazy comforting is that?

 

We don’t have to stress out. We have nothing to worry about because God knows what’s best for us.

Psalm 37:7 says “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret…”

So simple. Just be still. Let God father you. He’ll take such good care of you.

If you want to resume your role as God's child, this video is a good place to start. It's really short but it's awesome.

 

Oh, here's some pictures of halloween festiviness.

 

You're never too old to carve pumpkins :)

Bummin'

Hi!

I’ve been away for a while. Basically, I got hit with unemployment.

 

I was working at Joann's, you see. Not enjoying it, of course. Then I got this excellent job at an orthodontist office. I was looking on Craigslist for dental assistant positions and every single one is looking for several years of experience. I finally found one job that was looking for people to train.

Was it the Lord? Yes indeed, it was.

But didn’t I say I was unemployed earlier?

Yes, I did.

 

...let me explain.

 

I get this job working for a brilliant doctor that is not only an orthodontist, but also a cranial facial surgeon who specializes in cleft pallets. He hires me with zero experience in dental.

 I was thinking, “This job is just going to take off. He can train me to work the surgeries with him! I’ll never need a new job again!”

 

Wrong.

 

He was a nightmare to work for. I ended up quitting after two weeks.

 So here I sit. An unemployed bum.

 

Bear left me. He didn't want to sit on the big empty couch with me.

When you are unemployed, your life becomes coffee, dogs, and bad self-timer pictures.

 

I'm trusting in what God has for me, though. He's got something up his sleeve.

 

Stay tuned for more unemployed adventures!

 

The Struggle part 5: The Struggle. Haha.

"I wish someone had told me sooner. I wish someone would have just articulated it in a way that I could understand. I wish I had actually read the Bible. I grew up in church and went to a Christian school, but somehow I completely missed the freedom that was being offered to me from Christ Himself.

"Hallelujah we are free to struggle, but we're not struggling to be free."

People freak out when you say something like that. "Free to struggle!!????" They think you'll take it as license to do whatever you want. And you know, some do. Some say, "Oh, it doesn't matter what I do, cause God will forgive me!" But just because there are some who pervert the grace of God, doesn't mean we should shy away from preaching it. Yes, some people don't understand what they've been saved from.

They don't realize how audacious it is to presume upon the redemption of God, because they don't realize what it cost Him to forgive us. They also must not think about what they've been saved from. It's not just our guilt He saves us from, it's also the power of death over us. Why on earth would anyone ask Jesus for salvation and then willfully run back into the arms of the very things that were killing them?

I can't say that I know. I don't understand why I do it, so how could I begin to understand others?

But this I do know. His grace is so big and so vast that Christ went lower than the lowest. He bore our sins on the cross, and it is no longer up to us to carry that weight. We no longer have to atone for our mistakes. They were atoned for us. And not only is there an ocean of grace that we fall into when we fail, but there's also a grace so majestic and strong, that it's actually powerful enough to heal us from our vices and free us from our prisons.

Christ came to forgive and to free us. I hope you know that, deep down. You can screw up and know that there is always mercy to rise again. And not only that, but you can know that the same power that raised Christ from the dead is living inside you, So you don't have to do those things you hate anymore.

Free to fail. Free to change.

It's quite an amazing concept isn't it? There's mercy for your failure, and there's liberty from your sin. You don't have to pay for your sins, and you don't have to sin anymore. This is what it means to be saved.

And my only prayer is that the church would grasp both of these ideas, because we can all be a bit one-sided can't we? We tend toward extremes. One only needs to count the number of Christian denominations to know, we're not always the best at balance.

In the American church we can be good at one of these platitudes, but usually not both. We're either focused on preaching grace or intent on preaching victory, which ends up doing one of two things. We pander those caught up in sin, or we Bible beat them cross-eyed for not walking in the victory they ought to be.

Brothers and sisters, let us grasp them both. There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, and there's also no more chains to keep you from walking with Him. Both. And.

Comfort those who are staggering, because we all struggle in different ways. We may look different, but our hearts are all the same. Be tender with one another. Correct each other with gentleness, knowing we're free to struggle. But also, let us not let each other off the hook. Remind each other, that we're not struggling to be free. Call each other out. Lift each other up. Push each other forward. It is for freedom we have been set free."

This is my favorite song on the whole album! Check it:

 

:)

The Struggle Part 4: Shadows

Hey guys :) I have a few more Tenth Avenue North posts to share with you everyday for 4 more days.

After the 4 days are up, I'll have to share the details of MY ENGAGEMENT TO DAVY on the blog! Yay!

God is treating me gooooood.

Now to the next Tenth Ave post:

"I grew up thinking Jesus wanted to ruin my good time. No seriously. Everything I wanted to do, it seemed like Jesus was always telling me I couldn't. My friends would get drunk and party; I wasn't allowed. All the other kids were sleeping around. Jesus said I had to flee sexual immorality. When people wronged me it felt so good to be bitter and lord it over them, but there He was saying, "Forgive seventy times seven."

So when I went to college and started hanging out with kids who actually enjoyed Jesus, it pretty much blew my mind. I mean, my friends growing up "loved" Jesus, but certainly didn't like hanging out with Him. We knew the right answers and we knew we were supposed to do what God said to do, but these kids at my college were different.

They wanted to obey God. They liked obeying Him. No one was making them. No one told them they couldn't get freaky at clubs or drink til they threw up. They just preferred being with God. They'd get together and worship Him for the fun of it. The fun of it? I thought "fun" and "Jesus" were contradictory terms.

To be honest, I had a lot to learn. I still do. But my world changed forever my freshman year of college when Christianity changed from something I had to do, to something I wanted to do. How? I experienced Psalm 16:11 first hand.

It says, "In your presence is the fullness of joy, at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

The fullness of joy? Pleasure forever? Have you ever even considered that God is for your pleasure? Now, this seems quite counter intuitive doesn't it? I mean, isn't Jesus all about self denial and what not? Isn't Christianity just putting your head in the sand, grinding it out, and keeping your nose clean?

Friends, nothing could be further from the truth. You see, when Jesus says to deny yourself, He never asks you to do that as an end in itself. He says to deny yourself so that you can follow Him! And everything that's promised us when we get to Him is an appeal to our pleasure.

But the tough part is realizing that in order to get the fullest joy, and the greatest pleasure, you have to do things His way. You have to wait. Often times you have to go without. But you go without so that you can get something better. It's like McDonalds versus a fancy steakhouse. The steakhouse may take quite a bit longer, but in the end, it's far more rewarding than a quick fling with Ronald and his super sizing ways.

So then, we flee sexual immorality so that we can know the trust, rest, and joy of a sexual encounter protected by the strong walls of covenant. It takes denial, sure, but as a means to a lifetime of more reward. It can seem like Jesus is against our pleasure because we've believed the lie that the things He's created are what will give us what we want. But whether it's sex, ambition, rock n roll, isn't it actually God we're after?

This one thought changed everything. That every beautiful thing I get enamored by, is just a reflection of the one who made it. Any beauty I'm dazzled by or promise I'm lured by, it's always Him my soul is hungry for. And when I can see that, all other temptations lose their power. To understand all that I love is merely a mirror pointing me upward, frees me to let those things go. I don't have to have them. I have to have the One who made them. And the pleasure and reward his presence offers far surpasses any drug or buzz I could get. Crazy huh?

Friend, don't sell yourself short. Jesus wants to give us life. It is Satan who's out to steal, kill, and destroy. Sadly, we too often believe it's the other way around. Don't fall for the lie. His commands to us are the pathways to pleasure. They are the way to joy.

All this world could offer you is but a mere shadow of the glory of the One who is behind it all. Don't grasp the shadow. Follow it to the source. He is the source."

Hear Shadows here:

 

:)

The Struggle Part 3: Losing

"Have you ever stopped to wonder why forgiveness is so hard? Seriously. It's such a pleasant ideal in theory, but in practice it's the quite possibly the hardest thing to do on the planet. Why does it seem so down right impossible? Why does it feel like losing?

Well, I guess that's because it is. To forgive someone you do have to lose. Whenever there's injury, someone has to live with the pain, and to forgive means you accept it, and the offender goes free. Even though you're not at fault, if you're going to turn the other cheek, you have to absorb the pain so that you don't turn around and inflict the one who hurt you.

I suppose you could liken it to falling on a grenade. If you have a grenade thrown at you, you can do one of three things. You can run, but then who knows who'll end up collateral damage. You can throw it back, which I must admit is quite alluring, but that can't stop the fire from spreading, it just redirects it. There is one other thing you can do though. You can fall on it. Absorb it. Take the explosion and die the death. Let everyone around you live.

And you know, whenever we forgive there's always a death involved. Isn't there? That's why Jesus had to die for us. To let us be counted right, justice had to be paid. The bomb had to go off. But instead of throwing it back and giving us what we deserve, He wrapped His arms around us and took the hit Himself.

"He was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed." -Isaiah 53:5

You see, the reason grace isn't popular or easy is because it's not cheap. To give grace costs us our right to be resentful. It robs us of our privilege to be bitter. It requires death. But friend, if Christ said to forgive the very men who drove nails through his wrists, and the same power that flung Him from the grave lives in us, then surely, surely He can give us the power to lose, so that our aggressors weapons are rendered useless. Rob your enemy of their ability to offend you, by gladly taking the full brunt of their attack. It is then, and only then, that hostility is defeated and love conquers death.

Remember who you are. Remember how you have been forgiven. You're only going to feel like you have the right to be bitter if you think you're better than them. "Oh no," we say, "I would never…" Never? Really? Remember what it cost Christ to redeem you, and may that knowledge drip down so deep in your heart that it becomes your joy to accept the cost of forgiving others.

Yeah I know it feels like losing, but it's what forgiven people do. As the old saying goes, "Hurt people, hurt people." Well, "Forgiven people, forgive people."

"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because Christ has forgiven the inexcusable in us." -C.S. Lewis"

Listen to "Losing" by Tenth Avenue North here!

 

:)

The Struggle Part 2: Don't Stop The Madness

"I'm sitting in a small airport in Montana right now, sleep deprived and delayed. I've been gone from my family for what feels like forever and just want to get home. You know that feeling right? When you just want to get home? But as I sit here on the floor and stare red eyed at my computer screen, I have to remember one thing. God seldom works in the easy and comfortable.

Can He? Sure.

Does He? Sometimes.

But more often than not, the times that shape me, the times that make me more loving and more gracious, aren't usually what I look back on as "good times." Isn't that strange? I mean, sure we all want to be considered "gracious," but who wants to have to go through being wronged so that they actually have the opportunity to grow in grace?

So I'm left in a bit of a conundrum. Sitting here on the floor, killing time watching people beat the snack machine, I have a choice. I could do the easy thing. Do what I'd usually do in this situation. I could moan and whine, complain that there's no reason our plane is delayed, and disdainfully announce that I will never fly this incompetent airline again; or I can take a step back.

Take a deep breath. Do the impossible.

By His grace I can take the hard road that leads to life. I can think on the sovereignty and goodness of God. Think on His promise that He is able to work everything together into something beautiful. Yes, even this seemingly meaningless inconvenience might just be the hand of God at work to grow patience, kindness and goodness in me.

We don't like to think that way though do we? I don't. It's hard. It's complicated to reconcile a God who works through pain. It's tough to trust in a Lord who allows suffering and inconvenience. It'd be a whole lot easier to mindlessly promise myself that Jesus always wants to make life easy, but I don't think that's how He works. If anything, Jesus uses dark colors when He paints. He's into streams in the desert and life out of death.

Just take one good look at the cross and that ought to convince you that the God the Bible speaks of is a God who uses horror and injustice to His advantage. The cross is evidence to our minds, and balm for our souls that our God is a God who brings beauty out of pain.

Art out of chaos. Beauty out of ugliness.

Or as some of the poets have said, He conquers death by death itself. Our Redeemer beats Death at his own game. Hope rises.

When we trust Christ, and the mysterious work on Calvary, we trust that He's always up to something good even in the darkest days. In fact, that's probably when He's up to the most good, because that's when the most good grows in me.

So hey, I'm delayed, I'm uncomfortable, but if this is the path the Lord has brought me down, then I say, "Don't stop it Lord. Redemption was born on a far darker day than this one, so bring the chaos. Bring the madness. Do whatever you've got to do to recreate my heart." After all, it's me that needs to change, not my circumstances."

Listen to Don't Stop The Madness  by Tenth Avenue North here:

 

:)